Couple Relationships

In this text I'd like to talk about one aspect, relevant and quite often not taken into consideration within a relationship. From a Systemic Family Constellation perspective everyone has a place and no one should be excluded.

Therefore, when talking about relationships, we need to bear in mind that former partners need to be included and respected. For example, let's picture a scenario, where one of the members of the current relationship had been married before.

Lucy was previously married to Jack, who is now married to Susan.

Susan excludes Lucy, shows a lack of respect believing she is better than her. Attitudes such as this do not contribute to or strengthen a new relationship.

Systemic Family Constellation shows that it is important for the members of a new relationship to respect and be grateful for the former partners. Thus, only through someone's loss the other gains, "Lucy's loss allowed Susan to marry Jack ". In Constellation work a helpful sentence would be said in order to give everyone their right place in the system and consequently bringing about balance. "You were the first wife, I am the second, your leaving left a place for me. I and my husband will have a bond with you forever". .... You might be thinking... And what about Jack, in this story?

Jack needs to acknowledge both his first and second wives. A helpful sentence could be: "This is my new wife, but you are still the first. I accept my part in what went wrong ". These words promote deeper internal movements, bettering the actual relationship.

Text by Vivi Mazzocco

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